You may be asking yourself ‘what hole in my existence is this blog going to fill?’ Not a single one, because I’m not here to give your life meaning. I don’t care about your life. Yes, I mean to sound that cruel – that’s why this blog is called “Practical Misanthropy” and not “Frolic Time with Over-friendly Kittens”. I am here however, to expound on the news, give my brilliant opinion and to expand on this simple idea:
I hate you all.
Not just a certain ethnic group, not just a certain socio-economic or sexual group. Everybody is worthless. All I’m doing is proving to those readers out there why you’re worthless and what you can do to cease being worthless. See – Practical Misanthropy has been defined so you can quit scratching your head and looking glassy-eyed. More than likely, that’s your normal look, so stretch yourself.
Now, on to the aforementioned Stale Hell, courtesy of the L.A. Times:
Stale Hell From The Land Of Fruits, Flakes and Nuts
That’s right – there are people out there who are so anxious to tell you how to raise your kids (because you’ve been clearly doing such a great [censored]ing job), and I’m sure they though ‘why not try to make some money off of it, too? I mean… working? Ugg. That’s for losers’. Clearly – you (the mindless American public) have no willpower to tell your little spawn ‘no, you can’t have that meal, and I don’t care it’s got a piece of plastic from a movie you’re too young to see anyway’.
Who’s doing this? The Center for Science in the Public Interest – ever heard of them? Sure you have. This group of useless idiots got noticed when they told us those saturated fats were bad and got the recipe for French fries and hamburgers changed to using trans fats – citing that they’re better than saturated fats. Now, they tell us that fast food is bad because they’re using trans fats. Did someone there forget to take notes? Write on their palm ‘saturated fat=bad, trans fat = good’. Did they even bother to say “Look, we’ve got to choose the lesser of two evils – because asking the public to get off the couch and walk further down the block than to the nearest hamburger joint, because they know that isn’t going to happen in our lifetime.” They’re also behind the ‘soda tax’ idea – which no doubt our politicians start giggling and touching themselves inappropriately when they hear those words.
Cut and pasted with loving care from the L.A. Times article (6/23/2010, written by Sharon Bernstein – I didn’t write it… there isn’t any cursing):
The organization on Tuesday served the fast food giant with a letter expressing its intent to sue if toys are not removed. The letter is legally required in several states, including California, before lawsuits can be brought under consumer protection statutes. "McDonald's is the stranger in the playground handing out candy to children," Stephen Gardner, litigation director for the advocacy group said in a statement. "McDonald's use of toys undercuts parental authority and exploits young children's developmental immaturity."
Huh?
Are you trying to tell me that children are screaming and crying to the point where only a piece of plastic given to them along with a [censored]ing hamburger will shut them up? Are adults in this day and age so weak willed that they’ll cave in at the first sign of little Timmy’s quivering lip? When I was little and I tried to throw a fit – my mom did what other mothers did in her day. She beat the [censored] out of me. After the first few concussions, I learned that when my mom said ‘no’, she [censored] well meant ‘no’.
Shouldn’t someone other than me be concerned that there is a group that has in its group a ‘litigation director’? I’m sorry – was “shake-down coordinator” already taken? Would ‘neighborhood organizer’ not have carried that official ring they needed? Come on, people – see this for it is. These people go from industry to industry saying “We’re gonna sue your [censored] because you’re hurting these poor, stupid people… not to mention we need the cash, like really bad.” and the affected industry says “Here’s a check – go away.” Now whether they’re doing this because they have absolutely nothing better to do (you know, since that whole ‘cancer’ thing has been cured), or there is a bigger agenda in mind (because they know how to raise your kids better than you do, even though never meeting them or bothering to learn their names), we can’t say. That won’t stop me from speculating.
They think they know better because they care so much (sob!) about the state of you pathetic, meaningless life and they’re trying to save you from yourself, dammit! If you were only as half as smart as they were, you would cry to the heavens that some evil corporate greedy clown was forcing you to not only shove these patties of pure toxic evil down your throat, but to do so to your own dead-eyed, slack-jawed spawn and raise another generation of pathetic fools that need guidance from those benighted with the common sense and college degrees guide you! Really, are these the people you are so willing to surrender up every last right and privilege to someone who couldn’t pick you out of a line-up – and that’s probably something they’re going to want to do to you at some point ("That’s him officer, he’s the one I saw running out of the building with a hamburger in each hand").
That’s why I’m a misanthrope. People are too lazy or stupid to perform any critical thinking anymore (not the b.s. they try to pass off as critical thinking in schools, which is nothing more than “pin the blame on the corporation”).
Wake up, people.
I’m sure you’re saying “Wise, Practical Misanthrope – you’re right. I am an ignorant blob who should no doubt eat more of this greasy fast food to hasten me to a well-deserved grave, but why should you be cruel? Don’t you know that you gather more flies with honey than with vinegar? To which my response is: yes – you are an ignorant blob, now shut up. I’m trying to attract flies. I’m trying to get your [censored] attention. To accomplish that, I don’t need honey. I don’t need vinegar. I need a sledgehammer to whack you on your thick skull. If you survive that – then I’ll have your attention. If you don’t – one less person to worry about and your body will serve as an example.
Put your head on the block, idiot. Time to get smarter.
No comments:
Post a Comment